True Callings

There are two things I've been passionate about for a very long time: ice hockey and travel. We obviously know where my love of travel has gotten me (and I am traveling for the FOURTH time this year; this time to Sweden), but where does my other passion fit in?

I started playing hockey when I was 8, and it was the one thing I never gave up on. In fact, the draw to play was so strong that even after my equipment was stolen five years ago, I went out and bought all brand new gear. I dropped $2,300 over the last few weeks buying new goalie stuff, and it made me feel so good to know that I get to play again. I'm not part of a league or anything (yet). But, still, when I put on that mask today, it was like I had been transported.

It sounds silly to say, but my heart feels so full right now! I have missed this sport so much. It's like regaining part of my identity.

This mask, while designed for ice hockey, will be coming with me to Sweden.

Stockholm Syndrome

Okay, so not really. But I am flying to Stockholm in 11 days to play for the US national floorball team. It's a pretty cool thing to say you played on a national team--even if it's for a sport 99% of the population have no idea exists.

Be sure to check us out and root for us! It's the World Floorball Championship, after all. If any of you folks out there in cyberworld know anyone who works at the US Embassy in Stockholm, please extend an invitation to them from this future diplomat!

Where: Vasteras, Sweden
When: December 5 - 12

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/?u=WFC2009&s=htosports&t=c

Moving Forward

I've spent the last few days in Burlington, Vermont, visiting friends and keeping busy. It was a nice getaway that bordered on necessity in an attempt to keep my brain from dwelling on my (former) relationship. However, I've decided to let myself feel sad for a little while. It's a natural part of healing, but I've been trying my best to avoid it. I don't think anyone likes to feel sad. Anger is so much easier. Avoidance is easier--in the short term, at least. You can actually function when you don't feel as though getting through the night is an impossible task or waking up is a burden. Sadness saps your energy and drive. Who wants to willingly submit to that? I didn't, but it's necessary. I have to grieve the loss of a relationship that lasted three and a half years, my closest confidante, the future that had been talked about ad infinitum, and a very large part of the identity I had assumed as one half of our pairing.

There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. But that doesn't give me license to sulk for the foreseeable future, to give up on my diet, act financially irresponsibly, or unnecessarily burden my friends with my rantings. I must take steps to live my life normally, if not a little better than before. Getting stuck in a rut right now is not an option. My sadness is real, even palpable at times, and that's okay as long as I don't let it consume or define me.

For the first time I am willing to admit what I've known since our first long-distance trial: this was never going to work, but I allowed it to pathetically limp along for three years on false hope. I will get over it, of that I'm sure. Even if tears will sometimes bubble up over the next however many days, weeks, or months, I am a strong person and I will be fine without him. Better, even. My brain and the rest of my emotions simply need a little bit of time to sync up.

I can say that I am genuinely glad this split is happening now instead of when I am in A-100 or heading to post. My life is now my own, and I only need to focus on my needs and wants. If I want to go to Africa, I can. I don't have to worry about plane fare, organizing visits, the time difference and trying to make it work over Skype, all while balancing my new, busy life in a strange country. There is something very freeing about that.

I'm still young and I have so much more to experience. One bad relationship will certainly not prevent me from doing just that.

January A-100

I found out today that the invitations have started going out for the January A-100 class, and I'm still waiting on my security clearance. Rumor has it that offers for February will be going out as soon as January is filled. If that is the case, I will definitely be out for that class's consideration as well. I'll be lucky to get in for March or May at this point.

I'm a bit unsure of my next step if I either don't get my clearance or am not put on the register until December or later. I can't go back to waiting tables if I have to be there for 3 or more months if I plan on retaining my sanity.

Any suggestions?

Just a Little Premature

I knew when I chose to go into the Foreign Service that my romantic relationship would be affected. I wondered if it would survive, if it stood a chance, if my experience with distance would be enough to carry me through at least the first tour. I knew going in that the time would come when I'd have to make a choice.

What I didn't realize, however, is how early on this decision would affect me. I am still in the purgatory that is adjudications and yet I am watching this connection dissolve before my very eyes. It's a painful process.

I know that life as a career diplomat is what I want, without hesitation, but is this much carnage necessary so early on?

At times like these, a quiet pause is the best answer I can muster.

Worldwide Clearance

I have my Class I from MED. Still waiting for security. I hope to be on the register before February starts, but who knows!

Purgatory

Still in adjudications (I found out I've been in this stage since 10/2/09). Still haven't had MED look at my paperwork. Still out in the middle of nowhere. Still asking people, "And what would you like as your side item?"

At last check, the consular register was at 61. Goodbye January and February. Hello March.

I suppose that's the nature of the FS beast. Hurry up and wait.

Cabin Fever

...of sorts.

I would love to hop on a plane tomorrow and go far, far away from the day-to-day that is my life. I have 39 days until I head to Sweden, but it can't come fast enough. I think I am coming to the end of my days as a waitress.

Hopefully I'll have some good news this week regarding my clearance. Who knows. What I am pretty sure of, however, is that January is out of the running. February is currently the most likely placing because of the length of the CON register at present (creeping up into the high 30s, low 40s). I can always hope that 20 people are on the DNC list, but I'm trying to be realistic.

Anyone have an extra plane ticket going...anywhere?

Adjudications

I inquired today about my status regarding my security clearance. I found out that I am in adjudications. I wish I knew what this really meant, other than it goes to a panel who decides whether or not to give me a Top Secret clearance.

Supposedly the process takes about a week, though it varies from person to person. Considering today is 10/13 and my TCD is 10/20, I may be one of the 1-week people. Let us hope.

One of the A-100 board's frequent contributors gave me some good advice: if your Med hasn't come through by the time you get your TS, try to have it expedited. Since Med is over a month behind schedule, I will do just that (assuming I get my clearance, of course).

My patience is wearing thin. I realize others have gone through much longer waits than I, but I don't think those people had to go back to waiting tables for a national chain in the morning.

My Dream Bid List

As November creeps closer, meaning A-100 offers for January will start going out around that time, I can't help but get ahead of myself and start thinking about possible future posts. So, for those of you who care, here are my top 10 picks that I'm hoping will be on my first bid list (bound to change, I'm sure):

1. La Paz, Bolivia (20% hardship)













2. Kyiv, Ukraine (20% hardship)


















3. Manila, Philippines (20% hardship)
















4. Chisinau, Moldova (20% hardship)













5. Sofia, Bulgaria (20% hardship)

















6. Almaty, Kazakhstan (25% hardship)















7. Mumbai, India (20% hardship)














8. Minsk, Belarus (25% hardship)















9. St. Petersburg, Russia (20% hardship)















10. Praia, Cape Verde Islands (25% hardship)


















I made a table of hardships posts that are 20% and above; I ignored danger ratings. I like the idea of serving in a hardship post, and there are many perks to doing so. The pay differential; ability to pay back federal student loans at posts that are 20% and above; career boosting abilities; contributing to the unofficial "share the load" policy; better picks on the next post; and others. I'm certainly open to many other options than these, but if I had my pick, these would be at the top of the list. Obviously there are some really amazing places I'd love to go (Wellington, Chennai, Moscow, Nassau, London, etc.) but I have little chance of getting and/or their hardship differential is less than 20%, my personal cut off for the dream list.

Here's the list, in case anyone is interested!

Country	City	Hardship %
35% Posts
Afghanistan	Kabul	35%
Equatorial Guinea	Malabo	35%
Iraq	Baghdad	35%
Timor-Leste	Dili	35%
30% Posts
Bangladesh	Dhaka	30%
Burma	Rangoon	30%
Central African Republic	Bangui	30%
Chad	N'Djamena	30%
China	Shenyang	30%
China	Wuhan	30%
Cuba	Havana	30%
Djibouti	Djibouti City	30%
Eritrea	Asmara	30%
Georgia	Tbilisi	30%
Ghana	Accra	30%
Guinea	Conakry	30%
Laos	Vientiene	30%
Liberia	Monrovia	30%
Pakistan	Karachi	30%
Pakistan	Peshawar	30%
Papua New Guinea	Port Moresby	30%
Russia	Vladivostok	30%
Sierra Leone	Freetown	30%
Uzbekistan	Tashkent	30%
Zimbabwe	Harare	30%
25% Posts
Angola	Luanda	25%
Armenia	Yerevan	25%
Azerbaijan	Baku	25%
Belarus	Minsk	25%
Burundi	Bujumbura	25%
Cambodia	Phnom Penh	25%
Cameroon	Bujumbura	25%
Cape Verde	Praia	25%
China	Chengdu	25%
China	Guangzhou	25%
Democratic Republic of the Congo	Kinshasa	25%
Ethiopia	Addis Ababa	25%
Guinea-Bissau	Bissau	25%
Guyana	Georgetown	25%
Haiti	Port-au-Prince	25%
India	Hyderabad	25%
India	Kolkata	25%
Indonesia	Jakarta	25%
Indonesia	Surabaya	25%
Kazakhstan	Almaty	25%
Kenya	Nairobi	25%
Kyrgyzstan	Bishkek	25%
Lebanon	Beirut	25%
Madagascar	Antananarivo	25%
Malawi	Lilongwe	25%
Mali	Bamako	25%
Mauritania	Nouakchott	25%
Mongolia	Ulaanbaatar	25%
Mozambique	Maputo	25%
Nepal	Timbuktu	25%
Niger	Niamey	25%
Nigeria	Abuja	25%
Nigeria	Lagos	25%
Pakistan	Lahore	25%
Republic of the Congo	Brazzaville	25%
Russia	Yekaterinburg	25%
Rwanda	Kigali	25%
Sudan	Khartoum	25%
Surniame	Paramaribo	25%
Syria	Damascus	25%
Tajikistan	Dushanbe	25%
Tanzania	Dar es Saalam	25%
Togo	Lome	25%
Uganda	Kampala	25%
Vietnam	Hanoi	25%
Vietnam	Ho Chi Minh City	25%
20% Posts
Albania	Tirana	20%
Algeria	Algiers	20%
Benin	Cotonou	20%
Bolivia	La Paz	20%
Bosnia-Herzegovina	Sarajevo	20%
Bulgaria	Sofia	20%
Burkina Faso	Ougadougou	20%
Cote D'Ivoire	Abidjan	20%
Fiji	Suva	20%
Gabon	Libreville	20%
Honduras	Tegucigalpa	20%
India	Mumbai	20%
Kosovo	Pristina	20%
Lesotho	Maseru	20%
Libya	Tripoli	20%
Moldova	Chisinau	20%
Pakistan	Islamabad	20%
Philippines	Manila	20%
Russia	St. Petersburg	20%
Saudi Arabia	Jeddah	20%
Saudi Arabia	Riyadh	20%
Saudi Arabia	Dhahran	20%
Somalia	Mogadishu	20%
Sri Lanka	Colombo	20%
The Gambia	Banjul	20%
Turkmenistan	Ashgabat	20%
Ukraine	Kyiv	20%
Venezuela	Caracas	20%
Yemen	Sana'a	20%
Zambia	Lusaka	20%

So, that's what I've been doing with my spare time. I know what worldwide availability means, but that doesn't mean I can't wish and hope.