Sunday, March 6, 2011

A Deviation from the Norm

Last night I was faced with a situation that really got under my skin. I'm not aggravated about it anymore, but there are still things I feel need to be said about what happened.

Every Friday night my boyfriend has a get-together at his place to unwind and play drinking games. M used to be in a fraternity here in Austin, and some of his friends from those days still drop by. I am well aware of who the stereotypical frat boys and sorority girls are, and I will say that while there are plenty of these types around, he associates with many others who have broken the mold. He, himself, does just that. However, there are a few who fall into that cliché casting: over-privileged, entitled, loud-mouthed, opinionated, sheltered (generally white) kids who know nothing of life beyond their segregated hometowns, college campuses, and good-ol'-boy ways.

I try not to associate with these people. I am civil, polite, and sometimes even friendly, but I choose not to seek them out for a reason. They are not the company I wish to keep. Because of the intimate setting of last night's gathering, and the attendance of just six people (myself included), it was nearly impossible to escape association with a couple for whom I don't much care.

This couple on multiple occasions has said things I flat-out disagree with and, at times, find offensive and/or repugnant. Things such as, "I'm more okay with black people than Hispanic people; she's the opposite. She really doesn't like black people that much." and "I only think blue-eyed, blonde-haired babies are cute. You know, Nazi babies." and "This girl showed up, and she was poor, but trying to dress like she wasn't. I mean, come on! You're poor! Stop pretending!" and many instances of the well-known "I'm not _______, but [insert offensive stereotype or assumption here]."

As a woman of mixed heritage who grew up with a lot of racism in my own family (white side making derogatory remarks about my black side), I get especially angry when I'm subjected to idiotic comments like the ones above. I realize I'm in the South now, but hasn't my generation started to move past this ridiculousness? Is my generation really not any more enlightened than their parents? How are we still failing this badly? We, as a society, have to do better. These two people are going to mate and eventually pop out children. Are these kids going to be just as narrow-minded and bigoted as their elitist parents? How can we fix this awful mess?

These two have a history of running their mouths unchecked because people don't want to cause a scene or make waves in an otherwise okay friendship. Not me. I have a very low tolerance for this kind of behavior. I spoke up yesterday from a place of emotion and anger after I had had enough of their self-indulgent and myopic musings. Naturally, it didn't go over well. These two are the types where calm and logic wouldn't haven't been effective anyway, but I'm disappointed in myself and my own reaction to the situation. I let my own past and baggage dictate how I responded. I'm not sorry for what I said (essentially that they were sheltered, arrogant, obnoxiously opinionated, and often said racist or borderline racist things), but I wish I had handled it better. I'm a better person than how I acted yesterday, and I want to admit my mistake.

I believe that speaking up is and always will be the right thing to do. I'm not sorry I said how I felt, but I wish I could have conducted myself with a little more class because I don't think I accomplished anything last night but to make them defensive. What good did I do for myself, their views, or anyone other minority they come across? None.

For now I'll let bygones be bygones, but in the future I hope I remember this lesson. And I hope you will, too.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Results Are In

I haven't been obsessively checking my email and waiting for my FSOT results letter, so I was surprised when a former study-buddy of mine back in Boston sent me a Facebook message to ask me how I did. I logged into my email account and, sure enough, there were the results for our tests. I was nervous opening my results letter. When I saw that I passed I was relieved, but I didn't feel the overwhelming happiness and joy I did the first time. In 2009, I literally screamed so loud I scared my dogs. This time I just accepted that I have a lot more hurdles that I must overcome before I can truly be excited.

I'm going to spend the next week or so crafting my PNQs. I may reuse one or two, but I need to make sure I stand out from the rest. After all, if I blow it here, I'm done for another year.